"It's a selfish program!"
Selfish? But I thought it was wrong to be "selfish"!
At least, that's what I was taught when I was a child. Even
when I was an adult, one of the criticisms that people would
direct at others was that they were "selfish" or "self-
centered".
So what was I to make of all the talk of A.A. being a
"selfish" program? In order to get well did I have to focus
on myself, on my needs and wants, without really considering
the effect my pursuit of those interests might have on
others? For that's what I understood by the word "selfish".
As I observed what some people in the program did, it seemed
to me that they would do things for themselves and, in the
process, hurt others, only to justify their actions by
saying, "This is a selfish program, and I gotta take care of
ME!"
As I began to think this all through, I had started
careful reading of the "Big Book". "Keep an eye on what it
says about caring for yourself and about being selfish," my

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sponsor advised. "And think about what you read."
A good suggestion! -- both for what I discovered and,
at times, for what I didn't discover.
I discovered, first of all, that I could not find
in the "Big Book" any reference to the program being
"selfish". Nor could I find any recommendation that we adopt
a "selfish" attitude towards recovery. Just the opposite!
Without exception, the word selfish or selfishness was used
to refer to a defect in the self which often characterized us
in our drinking days and which is part of the spiritual
malady we know as alcoholism. Similarly, all the other
related words that could "stand in" for selfishness (self-
centeredness, self-will, self-seeking, self-sufficiency,
self-interest) were, in all cases, used in the "Big Book" to
refer to a quality, or collection of qualities, that we
needed to discard if we were to become spiritually healthy.
Far from being advised to practice a selfish program, I found
the "Big Book" urging me to find a vital faith, one that
would be "accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish,
constructive action"! (p. 93. Italics mine.) I also found
other A.A. literature (such as the "Twelve and Twelve")
recommending service, concern for others, and twelfth-step
work -- a "giving that demands nothing" (p. 109) which,
although done to benefit others, nevertheless benefits the
giver as well. There was no "selfishness" in any of this!
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Words, our tools of communication, can sometimes get in
our way and tangle us in their meanings, or in the meanings
that people give to them and which may differ from one person
to another. So I began to think: When people, especially
some pretty wonderful people I know who are far from selfish,
say "This is a selfish program", what are they really saying?
Selfish may not be a word the "Big Book" wants to use to
describe our program of recovery, yet many good and generous
people use it anyway. So what might they mean by it?
As I listened to what these people were saying,
especially when they seemed to be reminding others to be
"selfish", I discovered that they were stating in the
strongest way they could that we each have to take
responsibility for our own selves and for the maintenance of
our own recovery. I have to take responsibility for my
staying alcohol-free; for my spiritual development; for
meeting my own needs; and for living my own life in a healthy
manner. I could give the responsibility for these tasks to no
one, even though I needed the help of many others to
accomplish them successfully. My recovery work is mine --
not my spouse's, not my sponsor's, not my friends', not my
group's.
But together with that and, so to speak, balancing it,
was the clear message of the "Big Book", namely, that my
self-helping efforts must be done with wise and sensitive

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regard for the reasonable interests of others who may be
affected by what I do. As an active alcoholic, I responded to
my own needs and wishes, often without any consideration of
others. This was the "self-will run riot" ("Big Book," p.
62) that describes my disease; and even though I may not be
drinking, spiritually unhealthy self-will and self-
centeredness can continue in me and can even become worse.
And so the issue is, as so many other issues in recovery are
for me, one of balance: in this case the balance I need to
find, on a daily basis, between my own needs and how I meet
them and the needs and interests of others whose lives are
linked with mine.
"It's a selfish program": I personally don't like to use
that expression. The word selfish has a negative meaning,
and the whole expression can provide me with an excuse to
keep my "self-will run riot" running at full speed. It's an
excuse I don't need.
Is the program selfish? Not for me it isn't. Is it
self-caring? You bet it is. And other-caring, too!

Jamie C.