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an Italian restaurant with me all too conscious that evening
of my doctor's recent warning to watch my cholesterol. As I
read the menu my attention was focused on the fat content of
the various offerings, so grilled fish and pasta in the house
specialty sauce seemed a good choice. Alcohol was far -- too
far, as it turned out -- from my thoughts and I forgot to
make my usual request to the waiter.
The first mouthful, and the second and the third; and
then, between bites, one of my friends casually remarked,
"The last time I had that sauce here it was so full of wine
that I really didn't like it!" Oh-oh, I thought.
I left the table immediately and went to the server's
station where I checked and, sure enough, the sauce had
been liberally laced with wine. Although I was assured that
"it had all been cooked off" I nevertheless had a new and
alcohol-free dinner selection brought to me.
The next day, I talked to my sponsor about what had
happened. Had I damaged my sobriety? He assured me I
hadn't. I had made a mistake by forgetting my usual custom
at restaurants but, as he put it, "If you relapse it won't be
a "mistake"! It will be the result of your conscious
decision to return to alcohol. But now," he continued, "what
have you learned from this experience? . . . and stop
beating up on yourself for your mistake!" he added
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quietly. He knows me well!
What did I learn from my mistake? It has taught me
again the importance of priorities, of putting "first things
first." My life and well-being depend on my staying away
from alcohol, in whatever form it comes. I live in a society
in which alcohol seems at times to be everywhere, not only in
expected places (such as bars and glasses) but also in unex-
pected places such as in over-the-counter medications and in
restaurant-prepared foods. But no matter what form it may
take, if I ingest alcohol it may trigger that now-sleeping
compulsion to drink which could lead to my death.
I alone am responsible for taking care of myself, and of
insuring that I do not consume alcohol again: I learned that
important lesson when I first came in to the program and
thought I would never forget it. But I had to learn it
again, and learn it a hard way, at the restaurant last
Saturday. Although I may have many different concerns and
interests, for my life's sake I cannot afford to forget that
staying away from alcohol must remain a first and basic
priority.
Jamie C.