Dear Mike,

Thanks for your recent letter. I'm glad to hear that all
is going well for you and yours and look forward to spending
time with you over the coming holidays. Be sure to call me
when you settle in at your in-laws.

You continue to struggle with the Second and Third Steps
and have asked some insightful and probing questions about
them, about the role of a "Higher Power" in recovery, and
about spirituality.

Perhaps we can start with this. You have identified part
of your difficulty with those Steps as caused by what you
learned about God as a child -- the "Monster God" as you call
Him. You are not alone. A lot of us (myself included) were
taught, or learned, about that kind of God. That early
learning, which stayed with me into adult life, was a great
obstacle to my finding a way of doing the Second and Third
Steps. I remember asking myself: How is it possible for
me, feeling as I did that God had let me down and is hostile
to me, to believe that such a God would want to return me to
sanity? Why should I turn my will and life over to his care?
It would have been easier for me to jump over the moon than
to do the Second and Third Steps. So I well understand what
you feel, and how difficult it all seems to you.

In addition, the whole matter of "spirituality" becomes
difficult as well. I, too, was of the opinion that
"spirituality" means relating to God -- and I didn't want
such a relationship! So when I heard that this is a
"spiritual" program, and that unless I "got" spirituality
I wouldn't "get" recovery, all I "got" was confused!
Confused as I was, however, I stayed in the program because
it helped me stay sober. I listened, I asked, I read, I
reflected -- and I took what worked for me and left the rest
. . . just as, it seems, you are doing now.

You want recovery but you don't think you want religion
or, what for you amounts to much the same thing, God. Can
you have one without the other? That seems to be a summary
of all your concerns around the Second and Third Steps.

As it happens, those particular Steps have been discussed
at practically every AA and NA meeting I've been to in these
past weeks. In listening to many different viewpoints and
perspectives, some of them conflicting, one thing strikes me:
the need to keep those Steps simple. . . indeed, very
simple.

The goal of the Twelve-Step programs is not to make
religious believers out of us. Nor is it to get us to adopt
some kind of undefined kind of generic "faith in God" apart
from all religions, but which we practice by ourselves.
Neither religion or a kind of non-religious "faith in God"
are bad! In fact, many people attest that, for them, recovery
and life could be found only through them. Others come in to
the program proclaiming their faithlessness, but find some
form of faith in a God of theirunderstanding as their
recovery goes along. But many people do not, and still find
very good recovery.

The goal of the Twelve-Step programs is to give us the
tools to heal our sick personalities. The power of love that
people in the rooms have for each other, the care which
strangers give to one another, the compassion which is so
common that it often passes unnoticed, the practice of the
Steps -- these, I suggest, constitute the kind of "core"
spirituality which can get us on the road to recovery from
our addiction. And so, as you requested, here is the
simplest definition of "spirituality" I can provide. It is
"love healing us." It may well be more. But it is at least
that!

The way I (and you) have heard some people talk, however,
it would be easy to think that the program is really a back
door into religion. At some meetings you can expect to hear
that "Unless you have God in your life you will relapse" (or
whatever dire consequence may occur). That is the opinion of
the person saying it. No matter how often it is said, or by
how many people, or with how much sincerity, it does not in
any way reflect the "official" AA or NA view. AA and NA have
"no opinion on outside issues"; and belief in a God or
adherence to religion constitute "outside issues". AA is not
a back door into religion. It is a front door into recovery.

The confusion of religion with AA's notion of the need for
spirituality is understandable, and has been part of the
experience of AA since its founding. We need spirituality
("love healing us") to get well; and religion, when it is
doing its best work, deals in spirituality big time. It is
therefore a natural enough for some to become suspicious of
the Twelve-Step programs, with their emphasis on spiri-
tuality, and to worry about whether they are in fact a kind
of entry-way to religion, or even whether they are a "generic
religiosity". At least, that's what I thought at first! But
getting us to religion is not what our recovery program is
all about. Its job is to help us stay away from all mood-and
mind-altering drugs, and to help us heal our addictive
personalities. Bill Wilson said as much on the very first
page of AS BILL SEES IT.

You asked me what belief in a "Higher Power" has to do
with recovery; and, in fact, why AA and NA seem to insist
that we can't get well without a "Higher Power". As you put
it, it sure looks as if AA wants to get you into the "God-
squad"!

If you accept my definition of "core" spirituality (the
words are mine, but the idea is based in the "Big Book" and
other "official" AA and NA literature), then you can perhaps
construe the meaning of "Higher Power" along the following
lines:

On our own and without help, the typical addict cannot get
well. Of course, we need to want to get well and we need to
use all the inner strength we can muster to do so! But our
own inner resources are inadequate for the job, so we need to
find help outside of ourselves. And that help is our own
personal and personally-chosen "Higher Power". It is
"higher" than we are, since mine can do for me for what I
cannot do for myself, just as yours can do for you what you
cannot do for yourself.

We are, each of us, free to choose what our "Outside
Help", our "Higher Power" might be No one person, power, or
agency works for everyone. For some, the "Higher Power" or
"outside help" might be the group, the program, a sponsor, a
collection of friends. For other people, the "Higher Power"
is the God that they learned about in childhood, or the God
of their mature, adult understanding. For still others the
"Higher Power" turns out to be psychotherapy, or a warm and
helpful companion. Each person needs to find the help that
works for her or him.

Many of us change our "Higher Power" as we go along. What
works for you in the first month may not work after the first
year; or may not work after three years, or five years, or
ten years. When we get together over the holidays I'll tell
you about the many different "Higher Powers" I have had in my
nearly 15 years of recovery!

Can you do the Second and Third Steps even though you
remain fundamentally unsure about whether there is any "God"
in the traditional sense? Or whether, if there is, you want
Him (or Her, or It) in your life? Of course you can! You
(and I) do the Second and Third Steps when we can say, and
mean: I have found outside help that can help me do for
myself what I cannot do alone. I am willing to take
direction from that outside source of help. Nothing more is
required. Again, I am only saying in different words some
of what Bill Wilson wrote. You may want to take a look at
the discussion of the Second Step in THE TWELVE STEPS AND
TWELVE TRADITIONS, especially the material on pp. 27 and 28.

That's about as simple as I can make it, Mike. It's simple
enough so that everyone can find recovery -- people of all
religions and beliefs about God, as well as people without
any religion or beliefs about God.

You are taking good care of yourself and I'm real happy
for that. My love to you and the family. I look forward to
our holiday get-together.